14 replies to this topic

[Moon]

The custom of crying marriage existed a long time ago in many areas of Southwest China's Sichuan Province, and remained in vogue until the end of the Qing Dynasty (1644-1911). Though not so popular as before, the custom is still observed by people in many places, especially Tujia people, who view it as a necessary marriage procedure.

Crying Marriage in General
It is very much the same in different places of the province. According to elderly people, every bride had to cry at the wedding prior to the liberation of the PRC in 1949. Otherwise, the bride's neighbors would look down upon her as a poorly cultivated girl and she would become the laughingstock of the village. In fact, there were cases in which the bride was beaten by her mother for not crying at the wedding ceremony.
During the Warring States Period (475-221BC), as historical records reveal, the princess of the Zhao State was married to the Yan State to be a queen. Her mother, on the point of her daughter's departure, cried at her feet and asked her to return home as soon as possible. Later, the story was alluded to as the origin of the "crying marriage" custom.

In west Sichuan Province, the custom is called "Zuo Tang (Sitting in the Hall)". Usually, the bride begins to cry a month before the wedding day. As the night falls, the bride walks inside the hall and weeps for about an hour. Ten days later, her mother joins her, crying together with her.; Another ten days later, the grandmother joins the daughter and mother, to cry together with them. The sisters and aunts of the bride, if she has any, also have to join the crying.

The bride may cry in different ways with diversified words, which was also called "Crying Marriage Song"; the somewhat exaggerated singing helps to enhance the wedding atmosphere. In a word, crying at wedding is a way by custom to set off the happiness of the wedding via falsely sorrowful words. However, in the arranged marriages of the old days of China, there were indeed quite a lot of brides who cried over their unsatisfactory marriage and even their miserable life.

In fact, swearing at the matchmaker used to be an important part of crying marriage, as well as the most rebellious part. In the old society, women were bound by the so-called "three obediences and four virtues", thus having no say in their marriage, which was all arranged by the matchmaker and the parents.

Therefore, the brides often swore at the matchmaker before stepping inside the sedan, which was also seen as a pent-up of their dissatisfaction with and hatred of the old matrimonial system. This is also reflected in local operas and other folk art forms.

Once, there was a scene called "Yingtai Swearing at the Matchmaker" in a Sichuan Opera on the butterfly lovers. In the opera, Zhu Yingtai severely scolded the matchmaker with sharp crying words, which fully show her strong character and her hatred of the feudal system. The scene has been removed, as the custom of swearing at the matchmaker no longer exists in many places, especially in cities.

In the countryside, where the matchmakers still play an important part in marriage, brides continue to swear at them in crying marriage. However, it is said that the matchmakers never fear being scolded, but not being scolded, which means they will never get rid of the bad luck (the Chinese character for matchmaker is a homonym of that for bad luck).

The Tujia Ethnic Group's Crying Marriage Custom
Crying marriage is a matrimonial custom that must be observed by every Tujia girl, no matter whether she is satisfied with the bridegroom or not. Some brides begin to cry as early as two months before the marriage, while others cry for at least ten days or half a month beforehand.


Source : China Culture

[Centaur]

Ummm am getting ready for a friend's wedding. How about 'teasing the bride' what should and could be done?

[Mok]

Ummm am getting ready for a friend's wedding. How about 'teasing the bride' what should and could be done?

I have no idea and have no wish to find out. Doesn't sound fun for the poor woman. And anyways, I'm not getting married, so I can escape from this.

[snowybeagle]

And anyways, I'm not getting married, so I can escape from this.

Famous last words ... even my wife said it herself before long time ago

[Mok]

Famous last words ... even my wife said it herself before long time ago

Shush, you. *shifty eyes*

[Centaur]

I have no idea and have no wish to find out. Doesn't sound fun for the poor woman. And anyways, I'm not getting married, so I can escape from this.

Gonna frame this up and then when Lady Mok go a marrying... this will haunt her for the day...

Incidently, still keen to find out about the 'teasing the bride'. Would in useful as we do have someone getting married soon... and guess what we will be there!

[misha]

Here in the Philippines we still have Kai Siao. However, being not pure chinese or not chinese is still an issue to some Chinese traditional families. They still prefer pure chinese be the partner of their kids if possible.

And I was a victim of this culture. Painful it was but that is the reality I have to face

[kong_wei_liang]

crying bride weddings? ~_^ And i thought the casual christian wedding or jewish wedding was strange... How does China do marriages in modern times?

[Taran ap Dafydd]

Do the Chinese tease the brides at all?

In Western cultures, even as far East as the Urals and Greece, the veiled and often not so veiled references to the "wedding night activities" go back thousands of years. These days, they're mostly limited to the Bridal Shower and the Bachelor Party...


...anyway, this "Crying Marriage" thing certainly sounds like the Chinese didn't think women were supposed to be happy to get married. That it was to be viewed as a duty and nothing more...

Edited by Taran ap Dafydd, 05 November 2008 - 03:15 PM.

[Lansi007]

Thanks for sharing.

[Taran ap Dafydd]

Here in the US, no form of multiple marriage is legal. That, however, in no fashion precludes religious or non-religious binding ceremonies with multiple people. Theres just no legal recognition of those ties.

Thus while Pagans can have handfastings with more than one person, only the legal spouse has the legal rights associated with marriage. Any other spouse, though handfasted, is not recognized by the law. Its not a matter of one partner having more spousal rights than another--one has all spousal rights and the other has none.

No, actually, it Does ban such multiple partnerships. See the fundamentalist "Mormons" for why and how.
(I use the scare quotes because the practice embraced by these people has been banned by the Mormon church for over 100 years now; it was a survival practice that served a purpose and was done away with when no longer needed).

[Jaak]

No, actually, it Does ban such multiple partnerships. See the fundamentalist "Mormons" for why and how.

Yet look at Hugh Hefner. Then again, he is in California not Utah.

[chinamytime]

Archive for category Chinese Wedding Traditions

Firecrackers, loud gongs and drums meant the start of the procession from the groom’s home to the bride’s home. It was believed that doing this could ward off evil spirits. Accompany with a child (as an omen of his future sons), the groom would lead the procession. The bridal sedan chair, attendants, musicians, and sometimes a dancing lion would follow him.

There are some Pictures about Wedding Traditions:
wedding Traditions

[Akifumi]

Famous last words ... even my wife said it herself before long time ago <img src='http://www.chinahist...-1094881491.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':haha:' />

not unless she intend to enter the convent or something ~

many a time brides still dropped a tear or two on her wedding day, subconsciously giving in to this 'crying tradition'. =p

[Catherine]

I think this "crying bride" tridition is vague. Some Brides cry in her wedding day just because she want to, not because the social rules ask her to.