40 replies to this topic

[Hailong]

As far as I know 青 ranges from green to blue to almost black so there shouldn't be any reason for saying that 青山 must be translated as "green mountains/hills" at all costs. Furthermore 青 was also used referring to water and water is usually more blueish than greenish

[Liu]

Dear Liu, I like your comment very much. I feel we need to lift a little the rule of no criticism, if we want to learn from these exercises. The thing is, that on imagining the scene I don't see green hills, I see blue mountains instead, blue because they are more distant. Maybe because I live on a wide valley. I hope the meaning of 青 will be wide enough to allow the bluish tones of distant mountains.

Oh, it was not criticism, I just noticed the color you used and I think I like it. The mountains are often becoming blue/grey at the end of the day.
I like also the 'white' river, which reflects the last light of the day...
Reminds me a picture I took some years ago :

[Tang Scholar]

Oh, it was not criticism, I just noticed the color you used and I think I like it. The mountains are often becoming blue/grey at the end of the day.
I like also the 'white' river, which reflects the last light of the day...
Reminds me a picture I took some years ago :

Liu and Hailong, thanks for your precisions. Now, let me say that I have posted three versions of the poem. The first in Spanish; the second one, not by me, but by Ezra Pound, the famous poet, lover of Eastern poetry and a pioneer in introducing it into the English-speaking world. Though the rules say that we don't want these versions, I think it is good to share them for reference, but not letting them to make us stop producing our own translations. It is Pound who speaks of a "white river", not me.

And third, my own version, with blue mountains and clear waters.

[Tang Scholar]

It is good to remark that the city of the poem is very well located according to Feng Shui. Mountains to the North, a river (the blue/ green dragon) to the East.
For this consideration, it is necessary that the mountains be near the city, so to conform a good backing to it. And nearer, mountains are green...But I will keep them blue.

[sylvester]

Was anyone else thrown off by 子? I think every translation I've seen has this as traveler, which makes sense, but I wonder what significance 子 has? Is his friend a child? Or maybe they're both children? Or does it refer to something else?

that 子 should understand with 游 together as 游子, which means "the one who have to go away".
游子 is a often seen vocabuary in poem.

[JohnD]

that 子 should understand with 游 together as 游子, which means "the one who have to go away".
游子 is a often seen vocabuary in poem.

Thanks! That's a big problem for me; since I don't know Chinese I have to look each character up individually and then put it all together, but that means I don't know which ones are compound words and which aren't. But I know this one now.

[shunyadragon]

this is shot at a translation

Qing Mountain rises over the northern fields,
as white waters reflect on the eastern walls.

From this valley,we must depart,
wandering alone on a long journey.

ouds drift past travelers thoughts,
as the setting sun reflects our sorrows.

As we wave farewell,
our horses reluctantly carry us on.

Based on more information provided in other posts and beautiful pictures I decided to improve my translation.

Misty blue Mountains over northern fields,
white waters follow the eastern walls.

From this valley,one must depart,
wandering alone on a long journey.

Clouds drift past travelers thoughts,
as the setting sun reflects the sorrow.

As he waves farewell,
His horse reluctantly turns away.

Edited by shunyadragon, 18 October 2008 - 04:40 PM.

[fcharton]

It has now become a tradition that the poster of one week's poem chooses his successor... Jullian Bei, would you designate the next poster, one of the many new translators, perhaps?

Francois

[sunflower1]

Person No. of translations No. of Poems proposed

1 Moon 8 1
2 Yun 7 1
3 Sylvester 7 1
4 Richard Lim 6 1
5 Liu 5 1
6 Fcharton 4 1
7 Orchid Dream 2 1
8 Tang Scholar 2 (in Spanish & English) 1
9 UrofPersia 2 -
10 Kaiselin 2 -
11 Madalibi 2 -
12 Mariusj 2 -
13 Jullian Bei 2 1

14 Shunyadragon 2 -
15 Mok 1 -
16 JohnD 1 –
17 Hailong 1 –

18 Shaolin - -
19 Tealeaf - -
20 Taiji in motion - -


Just continuing from last week list, shall it be on Shunyadragon ? Can Madalibi help me on the candidate also?

[fcharton]

Right, Shunyadragon, care to post the next one? (PM me if you can't, I'll nominate someone else...)

[shunyadragon]

Right, Shunyadragon, care to post the next one? (PM me if you can't, I'll nominate someone else...)

Okay, I will post one tonight. Thank you for the offer.