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Weekly poem translation #26


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#16 rovi297

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Posted 28 February 2009 - 05:30 AM

Inspired by so many nice versions here, I give it a try also for fun...^_^



帘外雨潺潺
春意阑珊
罗衾不耐五更寒
梦里不知身是客
一晌贪欢

Outside the curtain, the rain falls as if grieving,
For this spring is leaving,
My silken quilt can’t beat the cold at night,
Never realize I am a captive in my dream, despite,
It is just a momentary delight.


独自莫凭栏
无限江山
别时容易见时难
流水落花春去也
天上人间

I wouldn’t fain lean upon the railings alone,
Lest I’ll pine for a boundless territory I used to own,
Which is so easy to lose, yet very hard to regain,
Spring is gone with fallen flowers on the water running amain,
So is my heavenly and earthly domain.

Edited by rovi297, 01 March 2009 - 07:32 PM.


#17 Yun

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Posted 28 February 2009 - 11:41 AM

Nice one, rovi297!
The dead have passed beyond our power to honour or dishonour them, but not beyond our ability to try and understand.

#18 Howard Fu

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Posted 01 March 2009 - 12:59 AM

Finally can't help to have a try!

帘外雨潺潺
春意阑珊
罗衾不耐五更寒
梦里不知身是客
一晌贪欢

The rain sang outside of the curtain.
What a cold spring!
The silk blanket can hardly bear the night before dawn.
Not knowing myself a guest in my dream,
Another night of stolen pleasure!

独自莫凭栏
无限江山
别时容易见时难
流水落花春去也
天上人间

A guest should not look to his country by himself,
The boundless beauties of the rivers and mountains,
So easy to depart, yet so hard to behold again.
Just like the running water and the falling flowers, the spring is gone,
And everything between the world and the heaven!

Edited by Howard Fu, 01 March 2009 - 01:03 AM.

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#19 Seclusive

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Posted 01 March 2009 - 01:44 AM

Finally can't help to have a try!

帘外雨潺潺
春意阑珊
罗衾不耐五更寒
梦里不知身是客
一晌贪欢

The rain sang outside of the curtain.
What a cold spring!
The silk blanket can hardly bear the night before dawn.
Not knowing myself a guest in my dream,
Another night of stolen pleasure!

独自莫凭栏
无限江山
别时容易见时难
流水落花春去也
天上人间

A guest should not look to his country by himself,
The boundless beauties of the rivers and mountains,
So easy to depart, yet so hard to behold again.
Just like the running water and the falling flowers, the spring is gone,
And everything between the world and the heaven!

Hi, dear friend.

I think "stolen pleasure" is very fit for "贪欢" here.

How sad the poet is!

Why did he select to become a king rather than a poet?

"And everything between the world and the heaven (is gone)" is so sorrowing that I'd rather select a "dream."

西竺


#20 rovi297

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Posted 01 March 2009 - 02:53 AM

Hi, dear friend.

I think "stolen pleasure" is very fit for "贪欢" here.

How sad the poet is!

Why did he select to become a king rather than a poet?

"And everything between the world and the heaven (is gone)" is so sorrowing that I'd rather select a "dream."


Yes, indeed, it is a perfect version.

As for your sentiment, well, I don't think he opted for the vey throne.

Edited by rovi297, 01 March 2009 - 02:54 AM.


#21 Howard Fu

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Posted 01 March 2009 - 07:27 PM

Li Yu's poems are very plain in language. They were written like 1000 years ago, but an elementary school student shouldn't have too much difficulty in understanding them. But maybe that's because the poems are so popular, they are a part of common language now. Li Yu's style was very different with the popular Hua Jian style(花间派) of his time, which was very indirect, elusive, highly decorative etc. I think poems are all originally direct and clear, like those poems in the Classic of Poems(诗经) "窈窕淑女,君子好逑", but to avoid cliche and banality, poets had to seek indirect ways to express themselves. In stead of talking about love, longing, friends etc, they talked about flowers, water, moon, spring etc. etc. I believe a classic example would be Spring River Flower Moon Night(春江花月夜). Then again, as time went on, the indirect ways became cliche too. Like someone( I forgot his name) said, the first person who compared women to flowers was genius, the second was an idiot. The Hua Jian Style was extremely indirect in style, in stead of referring to the moon directly, the poets often said something like, jade tile(玉瓦), laurel flower(桂华) etc. (An exemplary poet would be Wen Tingjun(温庭筠) )

Li Yu had a very special personality in his poems. It's probably as much from his enthusiasm in Buddhism as from his experience. One moment, he's endearing and personal, another moment he became aloof and philosophical. He wrote in plain language, and very cliched analogies like running water, falling flowers, yet there were undeniable beauties in his lines. You don't have to know his stories. It's such an easy pleasure just to read those famous lines, yet after a second, the immenseness of his sadness began to sink in and hit you like ten tons of bricks.

I opted for the sadness of the poem, which I believe is what it's really about, but at the expense of the beauty of the style. As for the small swings of the mood, it's really way beyond my ability. Translating classic poems is really a daunting task, but a lot of fun too! Cheers :charge:
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#22 rovi297

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Posted 02 March 2009 - 03:40 PM

V2.


李煜

帘外雨潺潺
春意阑珊
罗衾不耐五更寒
梦里不知身是客
一晌贪欢

Outside the curtain the rain is gurgling,
Away this spring is dawdling,
My silk quilt fails me at the coldest hour of the night,
Never realize I am a guest in my dream, despite,
It is just an illusive delight.


独自莫凭栏
无限江山
别时容易见时难
流水落花春去也
天上人间

Evenings I lean against the railings alone,
Endless hills and rivers under my throne
Easy to leave behind, yet hard to see again,
Spring's gone as flowers fall on the water flowing amain,
To heaven or purgatory, it’s beyond my ken.

Edited by rovi297, 03 March 2009 - 07:09 AM.


#23 Seclusive

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Posted 03 March 2009 - 02:20 AM

Spring fades in a slow and gentle and natural way, never in an amain way.

Every petal of flowers is coming into heaven or falling into earth, which are ready to find the most beautiful gardens and gardeners or Spring God (百花仙子) and flourish in a nice way every year.

Edited by Seclusive, 03 March 2009 - 02:45 AM.

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#24 rovi297

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Posted 03 March 2009 - 06:13 AM

Spring fades in a slow and gentle and natural way, never in an amain way.

Every petal of flowers is coming into heaven or falling into earth, which are ready to find the most beautiful gardens and gardeners or Spring God (百花仙子) and flourish in a nice way every year.



Thanks for your comment! I think you are right. BTW, amain is an adverb, so never say 'an amain way'.

How is everybody in zftrans.com? Are you still the mod there? I heard you were very upset and quit there long ago, right?

Thanks again

Ciao

Edited by rovi297, 03 March 2009 - 06:49 AM.


#25 rovi297

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Posted 03 March 2009 - 07:00 AM

Nice one, rovi297!


Thanks for your encouragement.




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